P52 Week 1 - Self Portrait

I was born with a brown smudge on my cheek that is now furrowed with
wrinkles. My eyes are brown as is my hair – now dyed. My teeth remain
steadfastly crooked despite the orthodontic attempts of my childhood dentist.

That’s surface stuff.

The social portrait goes superficially deeper. I am an emigrant, of Hungarian
stock, raised Down Under. I am twice married, once divorced, once
widowed, and am now single. I am the mother of two amazing children and
the doting grandmother of an amazing granddaughter. I am an internist
physician who, with the help of friends, has transitioned into life coaching
and spiritual direction work. I am an aspiring writer.

That’s still surface stuff.

I am an introvert and an inveterate procrastinator who nevertheless manages
to make deadlines and is nearly always exactly on time. I am a music and
nature lover and I have conversations with oceans, mountains and trees.  I
seek the sacred in all things. I yearn to commune on tropical beaches and to
find a lover who appreciates me.

Even all that is surface stuff.

Closer to my core are the struggles to find and accept love in myself and to
allow – really allow – love in from others, from the universe.

I do experience snatches of that love: in a sigh; in a meditation; in my heart
welling when my almost two year old granddaughter rests her tiny head on
my chest; when I watch my children amicably banter with each other; when
I listen to Mozart’s 21st piano concerto; when I watch a sacred sunrise. These
are the moments that I catch a glimpse of the love that infuses the sacred. In
these moments my self-portrait feels whole and complete.